My Heart Aches For My Daughter

My oldest daughter is graduating this year. She has been taking Post Secondary Education Option (PSEO) for 2 yrs. Brie has been doing this through the the Christian college she's been hoping to attend.

Last week she found out several of the other colleges she applied to have May 1 as the declaration day. That was NOT good news since we hadn't heard back from NWC. They didn't have a deadline! So, panic mode came and we started making numerous phone calls.

Brie finally got her award letter on Wednesday. It would barely cover 1/2 of the tuition, leaving us to come up with $16, 700! I have no idea where we were supposed to come up with that amount of money. I don't even make that much working part time. We started making calls again and ran into a wall. There just wasn't any money available. Where do we go from here?

Yesterday, Thursday, Brieanne received a text message from her Business Professionals of America instructor. The National competition had been postponed. It was supposed to take place in Texas. Since it's next to Mexico and that's where the H1N1 flu virus is coming from, it's understandable. This meant Brie was out her $200 plane ticket. To transfer her ticket it will cost her another $150, which she doesn't have. They have rescheduled it for the middle of June, which to me is absolutely ridiculous.

Seniors are having their grad parties and many have already sent out their announcements. On top of that, one other girl is in Marching Band and has already committed to their parades and trips. Some of those kids are also planning on going on mission trips or family vacations. If the kids end up not going, the school will only receive 75% of their money back. What a disappointment.

I emailed the organization to see if the end of May would be a possibility. By then we'd have a better idea of what's happening with H1N1. Just checking their site, it looks like the middle of June is the new date unless things continue out of control with the flu virus.

I just feel terrible for my daughter. Brie has been through so much in her young life. She has, to a large degree, been providing for herself for the last couple of years. Her bedroom has become somewhat of a studio apt. :) I find all kinds of food in there. She pays her own cell phone bill, car insurance, and car upkeep. She buys all her own clothes and any activity she wants to do she pays for it herself.

It's a tough place to be in as a parent. Feeling like I somehow failed her, it makes it harder on me. If I hadn't married who I married the 2nd time she might have not had such heartache. God has allowed everything that's happened in our lives. I understand that. It doesn't change the fact that I'm pretty fed up with everything that He is allowing. God knows I'm struggling with what's happening and I'm thankful for His grace and mercy during this time.

I'm wondering how much my girl will have to go through. Her life has been sold out to Christ since she was 4 yrs old. Her life has been lived in a way that lets everyone know her life is in Christ. Because of that, it makes me mad that she continues to have crappy things happen to her. I'm at the place of, "enough is enough, God!"

She's also bummed because she took the bulk of the week off from work because she would've been gone. She said the schedule is already out so she won't be able to get any more hours. What a bummer. Now she has to decide, along with the rest of the group, if they are going to go to the new competition. I'm sure we'll find out soon enough. She'll also miss out on receiving her Torch Award which she's been working on for the last 2 yrs. They'll mail it to her.

The last couple of days have seen me missing work because my son has pink eye. He got it from the neighbor girl who happens to be in his kindergarten class. He told the doctor, "She sat next to me on the bus!" Now I've now lost 2 days of pay. That is definitely something I can't afford. Is anyone else as tired as I am having to nickle and dime everything because of the economy?

If you think about it, keep us all in prayer. God has always provided for us, and that's not necessarily what I'm having a problem with. It's mostly the trials Brie is enduring. Thanks so much.