The Love Dare Day 3: Don’t Be So Selfish

Do you ever read something, something that’s not good and you can totally relate? It’s a reflection of you? Ish, that was me today reading the first paragraph in the Love Dare. I’ve never felt like I was high maintenance, and I’m not in the physical sense. I don’t need a lot. Emotionally though, I can’t say that same thing.

I’m “more needy, overly sensitive, demanding.” I judge others harshly while being blind to my own faults.

No, I’m not that way all of the time. It’s when I’m living in my black and white world. And I don’t, at the time, see it as being selfish. I just see something “wrong” and want it fixed…my way…by being demanding. Because, you know, if it was done the “right way” (my way) everything would be SO much better. Are you shaking your head at me like I am? Truly my intentions are good. Really, they are.

Not living selfishly means I put the happiness of Fred before my own. Sounds easy, right? Try, not so much. How about a bit of honesty? Putting Fred’s happiness ahead of my own feels like I’ll become a doormat to all of the drama in his life. That there won’t be anyone fighting for the “right” in his or our lives. That I’ll then become his ex wife’s and his kids’ newest person to crush. That’s how I feel. It freaks me out.

But, selfishness is me letting go of my “right” and putting others’ needs ahead of my own. My “right” says, “He should be texting me now”, “He should want to spend time with me without me always asking” “He should parent this way or that”. Putting his needs ahead of mine means not asking to spend time with him even if he doesn’t ask and not getting mad, believing he’s just too busy to text and he will when he can, or backing off and letting him parent the way he feels works for his kids.

I can guarantee you that I won’t ever become a doormat. That’s just not my personality, BUT, I can try letting go of my selfishness which might give me the opportunity to look at the world around me differently which might give me a way to handle situations differently. Go figure. Hey, maybe I don’t have to be a tyrant!

I absolutely want to be liberated from the anxiety of unrealistic expectations and unmet demands. Does Fred need to step up in some areas? Yes, he does, I’m saying that to you, the reader because I don’t want you to think Fred has no part in our relationship. This is about ME though. How I’M living my life in regards to him, and ultimately in regards to his kids.

So today’s activity bounces off of yesterday’s and goes hand in hand. He’ll find these things out after he gets home and no sooner.

How do you live unselfishly towards your loved one? Do you consider what your loved one needs?

LiveJournal Tags: Love Dare,marriage,dating