The Purity Box

So far with each of my four kids, we've had the purity talk. Having grown up without any sense of making good choices, it was extremely important for me to let my kids know there IS an option other than doing what everyone else does. They don't have to experiment. They CAN save themselves for marriage, and it's ok!

For me, training up my kids in this starts a lot earlier than when they're in middle to high school. It starts when they're younger. It's part of the conversation and how I raise them. We all learn at a very young age how we should approach certain things in life. One of the first lessons I learned, when I was training up my girls, was how I was going to train up my boys.

It's never been about telling them what to do. It's been about explaining why I ask them to do something. If we're at the movies and previews aren't appropriate, I ask them to look elsewhere. Why? Because boys/men store thousands of images in their brains. If they fill their brains with half naked women, women undressing, or people engaging in any form of sensuality, then those images will come to mind over and over again.

That being said, I've conveyed to them how beautiful a woman's body is. That our bodies were made to enjoy sex and experience intimacy. God created us with that desire and drive. If God created it, then it's not a bad thing, right? What I believe is that it's to be saved for marriage. Unfortunately, I will never have the joy of giving myself to one person. I will never know what it's like to save my all for the person I hope to spend my life with. My prayer is that all four of my children will. They might not, but my hope is that they will.

So, what's up with this purity box? It's something that came to me when my oldest daughter was entering her teens. We hear about luggage that we pull and drag with us as we go from relationship to relationship, right? I wanted my kids to understand that their purity is a gift. It doesn't have to be luggage.

I wrapped a box that has a ring inside it. I gave this one to my youngest son. Here's how it works. We give the box to my son. I explain pretty much what I've shared here. That his gift to his wife will be his purity. With the hope that he's saved himself for his future wife, he can present her the ring that's inside.

We let him know that we love him and share what we believe God has designed intimacy for. Then we explain what happens to his gift if he decides he'd like to share it with someone else before his wife. He may end up getting some tears in the wrapping. Maybe he and a girl only date for a couple of months and don't go "all the way." Well, we know that intimacy is intimacy no matter what "base" they make it to.

Maybe he decides he likes how it feels to be in a relationship or just the intimacy with a girl. The more relationships he's in the more the gift is ripped and torn. And it's not just physical intimacy that effects the box. Emotional and mental intimacy (basically baggage) begins to deteriorate the box as well. Since we can't see the future, we don't know what kind of shape the box would be in by the time he finds "the one." What he CAN see is what the gift could potentially look like when he hands it to his future wife.

The kids are able to see the contrast between the gift when it's first presented to them from us, to when he's ready in life to give it to the woman he loves. As he's growing up, he has a choice to make. It's not easy to make what we consider to be the right choice. It's not the popular choice in the world we live in. That's ok. Isn't everyone encouraged to buck the trend? These days I figure pursuing purity is doing just that!

Giving our kids a purity ring or necklace isn't the end all be all of the discussion. It's open ended. It's also not a magical box. I know it won't make it so my kids don't make different choices. It's mostly symbolic of our hope for our kids. We love them and definitely want what's best for them. Purity is what we hope and pray they'll choose.